Republicans Suck and Blow, or is it Blow and Suck

With Obama’s election I feared for the future of my two favourite newsthingies, in left field Jon Stewart and on the right Stephen Colbert.

Thankfully, Republicans, like Governor Bobby Jindall of Louisiana (he of the blowing) and Governor Mark ‘Sucking’ Sanford of South Carolina seem hell bent on keeping these boys employed and recession proof, with the wind at their backs.

At the National Governors’ Association Conference they bitterly attacked taking money from a Democratic President as they held out there hands. Apparently, the boys favoured Jon’s advice that Democrat dollars could be spent even if they weren’t worth as much as Republican dollars.

“We will recommend that the legislature take the road money,” a mere 3 billion and change, said ‘Blowing‘ Bobby. “Being against it doesn’t preclude taking the money,” slavered Governor ’Sucking’ Sanford. As Jon Stewart opined, being against gay rights doesn’t preclude getting in line when the guy in the cowboy hat is offering blowjobs; that would be elitist.

The Governors’ concern is really an issue of family values you see. There concern is the debt that might be passed on to their constituents’ children. Well boys, I’ve got news for you, Democrat dollars may not be as good as Republican dollars but Republican debt is as real as Democrat debt.

The multi-billion dollar cost of the war in Iraq, that incidentally meant the Louisiana National Guard were unavailable after Katrina; banking deregulation; and tax cuts lie at the root of the current economic maelstrom. While Democrat dollars may fuel a recovery its Republican debt that caused it. Try as you might gentleman you just can’t suck and blow at the same time.

So what was Stephen celebrating yesterday. Why Stephen Colbert Prayer Day of course. According to Master Media International, evangelicals across USAmerica were united in prayer for Stephen yesterday to infuse his decisions with a strong moral element.. They were even joined by Stephen himself in his lucky prayer hat and his patented prayer hands as he chanted “Jesus Number One!” and petitioned the Lord for superpowers and washboard lats.

While Pinko Jon insists we’re poor, Colbert counters that we are not poor in spirit (or lucky prayer hats and patented prayer hands).

Whew, for a minute I thought we might be threatened by sucking and blowing Republicans.